


I Am Light

by Adarian



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-19
Updated: 2015-07-19
Packaged: 2018-04-10 02:58:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4374593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adarian/pseuds/Adarian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Warden Amell leaves her young son Kieran in order to find the cure for the Calling to save his life. Kieran waits for her to return home, fearing for both her and Alistair's life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is in my universe where Alistair is not really romantically involved with Amell or Morrigan but is part of their little family. This was also part of the 100 prompt challenge where I used the words "Happiness", "Mothers", "Heirlooms", and "Siblings".

Perhaps of all the things the Grey Wardens of Vigil's Keep expected to see that spring day, the least obvious choice was their missing Commander walking towards the fortress, leading a heavily pregnant woman on a horse. 

Amell sighed happily as they crossed the threshold. She was home. 

Nathaniel walked away in mid conversation with Anders, coming to meet her. 

"Where have you been?" He asked. "And who is..."

Amell grinned, helping the woman off the horse. "This, Nate, is my wife Morrigan."

"Pleasure," the raven-haired woman grunted. "Please tell me love that your room is on the first floor."

"I'll carry you up myself," Amell promised, kissing her cheek.

"Your...wife. But she is..."

"Pregnant?" Morrigan asked. "How observant your second-in-command is. Amaranthine should feel glad you left him in charge."

Amell rolled her eyes. "We're a little tired from the trip. Can you have one of the servants make up my room for us?"

Nathaniel frowned, glancing at the two of them. "Alright..."

As he walked off, Anders rushed excitedly over.

"Is this her?" He asked.

Amell barely nodded before he embraced Morrigan, who grimaced.

"I've heard so much about you!" He said gleefully. "And look how big you are!"

"You must be her Circle friend," Morrigan grumbled. "Charming." 

"Actually," Amell said, "it's probably a good idea if Anders checks you over. He can bring you over to my suite when you're done. I should check in with Nate before we settle down for supper. I'll see you soon, love."

Morrigan's face softened as she kissed her. She smiled briefly, before returning to her scowl.

***

Amell walked into her library, amused to see Morrigan chatting with the woman across from her. Delilah Howe was almost equally pregnant and the two chatted incessantly. Amell was shocked how easily the two talked, but Morrigan had been rather isolated in her journeys. Maybe she missed female company, particularly someone going through the same transition as she was.

"Feel better, love?" Amell called out.

Morrigan smiled. "A little. I like your Second's sister. She is much more sensible than he is. You should have recruited her, if you needed a Warden so badly."

Amell shrugged. "I tried, what can I say? No one wants to be a Warden. Can't even give the title away. Anyways, ladies, supper is being served in the great hall. Would like me to have something sent up to you?"

"Yes please," Deliah said. "The stairs are getting harder and the hall is incredibly loud. This is much nicer for conversation."

Amell nodded to them both. "Your wish is my command."

***

Morrigan laid in the sheets naked, wrapping the blankets around herself. Amell finished getting ready for bed before lying beside her. 

"You warm enough?" She asked. "I promise, I'll get the tailor first thing in the morning."

Morrigan practically purred, "The sheets feel so nice. I can't believe I slept on a forest floor for months. How did I sleep?"

Amell stroked the hair from her face. "I'm not sure, love. We'll keep you and the little one comfortable. I intend to spoil you rotten for the last month. And then every day after that."

Morrigan giggled sleepily and Amell spooned behind her, kissing the back of her neck. She rested her hand on her growing belly, feeling for her son's heartbeat. Feeling him just underneath her touch, she grinned. 

"I've written Alistair," Amell said. "He should be here within the next week or so. You still want him here for..."

"Yes," Morrigan yawned. "That would be nice. Love, can't we just sleep?"

Amell murmured. "Of course. Go rest, love."

***

Amell woke in the middle of the night to a scream. She rolled over, seeing Morrigan clutching her belly. Amell stood up quickly and called out for Anders. She helped Morrigan to her feet and she groaned, bending over.

"I think I slept through the easy bit," Morrigan grumbled. "He's early, isn't he? I thought we had a few more days."

"He's just been enjoying the Keep," Amell teased. "Can't wait to see it for himself."

Morrigan cried out and Amell caught her. 

"You're alright," Amell promised. "You're safe." 

She gripped onto her and Amell kissed her forehead. 

***

She hated seeing Morrigan in so much pain. She had wished she had been the one going through labour, if only for her sake. Amell could barely focus on anything else, only shaken when she heard the high cry of their son.

Anders brought the baby to Morrigan's chest and Amell held them both closely to her, kissing Morrigan's head. Morrigan sobbed, burying her head into Amell's chest. 

"Hey," Amell whispered. "Welcome home." 

***

Morrigan was fast asleep but Amell sat up, rocking with her son in her chair. She was half drifting off herself when the door to her study opened slowly. She rose, grinning as she saw Alistair step inside.

"Is he-"

Alistair froze, seeing the baby in her arms. She walked over and he took him into his arms. He started crying and Amell held him to her.

"I have never seen anything so beautiful...Maker...I...."

"We talked it over, Morrigan and I. We'd still like to include you as his Father. I know you were on the fence about it, but-"

Alistair whispered, "No...this feels right...do you think...I mean, he's not going to see me as much as you two and...do you think he'll see me as his Dad? Isn't that weird, him having three parents?"

"Of all the circumstances surrounding his birth, I think having three parents is the least strange," Amell chuckled. "He's going to love you, Alistair."

"What's his name?"

"Kieran. He's taking my last name. If that's..."

"It's perfect," Alistair murmured, holding him in the crook of his arm. "Will you stay here in Amaranthine?"

"As long as we can. You'll come back after the Free Marches? I could use all the help I can get around here. With both the baby and the darkspawn."

"I will," Alistair promised.


	2. Chapter 2

"Mama!"

Amell dismounted from her horse, Alistair coming to a halt behind her. Delilah Howe chased after her own son and Kieran, the three year olds racing towards the stables.

"Sorry, ma'am, he was just too excited-"

Amell scooped him up and covered him with kisses. Kieran giggled and looked over her shoulder. "Da!"

Alistair grabbed him and threw him onto his shoulders, scooping up Adam as well. Delilah caught her breath as the three raced around. Alistair carried them into the Keep and the two women followed.

"Is Da staying tonight?" Kieran asked over his shoulder.

"We're both here for a month," Amell called back. 

"Yes!"

Amell grinned, seeing Morrigan coming towards her. She kissed her wife tenderly.

"Three months is far too long," Morrigan murmured. 

"I don't intend to go anywhere for quite some time," Amell promised. "And Alistair is going to keep Kieran with him tonight, so if you want..."

Morrigan blushed and Amell bounced her eyebrows.

***

Amell sat up with a jolt, hearing the cry. She raced into Kieran's room and took him into her arms. She hummed to him and he shivered, curling into her.

"You're safe," she reassured. "It's just a dream, baby."

Kieran whimpered, "It hurt. It hurt a lot."

Amell kissed his forehead. "It's over. Just get some rest."

He shook his head. "No."

Amell brought her legs up onto the bed and lit a candle.

"You know, I get those dreams too," she said.

"Really?"

"They're scary, but they're not real," Amell said. "It's just..."

"I'm sick. That's what the Voice says. Are you sick too?"

"Yes," Amell said quietly. 

"Mama...am I going to die?"

"No," she whispered, bringing him into her lap. "I know this is really scary, but you're going to be okay. Can you be tough until I figure out how to make it better?"

Kieran begged, "Make it stop." 

Amell kissed the top of his head. "Go sleep. I'll stay with you."

Kieran eventually did drift off and Amell stayed beside him, too afraid to sleep herself. The dreams were getting worse. Alistair had confided the same before he left for the Free Marches again. She had to do something. It was time to find a cure. 

***  
"When you leave for the Anderfels and we go to Orlais...I lied before. We are going to Val Royeaux. I've been given a place as the Empress' Arcane Advisor. I was offered it long ago and now it is time to accept." 

"But..."

Morrigan murmured, "The Empress will be able to protect us better than the Wardens can now. Kieran will be safe there and he will get the best education. He'll have friends and grow up in safety and I can do my work. The reason we have been safe here so long is because you have been here, my love."

"I don't trust her," Amell said. "She's trying to use him as a pawn. How did she even find out about-"

"We've made no secret of his fathering," Morrigan reminded. "She wants the last of Theirin blood in her court, even if he has no claim. It will be alright. I will not let our son come to harm."

Morrigan kissed her softly. 

Morrigan murmured, "We both knew that we have different paths to follow. That does not mean they do not end in the same place."

"If I stay any longer my heart will break," Amell whispered. 

"The sooner you leave, the sooner you will return to us...I can't watch you go. I'm sorry. Please...just..."

Amell kissed her, running her hands through her hair. 

"Vigil's Keep will always be your home," Amell promised. "As long as I live. If something goes wrong in Orlais, you come back home."

Morrigan murmured, "I love you."

Amell whispered, "I love you too. I will find Kieran and then I have to go...Goodbye, love. I hope it is not long until we see each other again." 

Amell walked out of the room, closing the door behind her. She went down into the halls, nodding to a few of the others. She eventually went outside and found Kieran playing in the grass with Ser Pounce a Lot, the two of them chasing each other.

Kieran looked up and ran over. "Mama!"

Kieran hugged her legs and she ruffled his hair. 

"I don't want you to go," he pleaded. 

Amell knelt down before him and took his little hands in hers. Kieran looked at her, his eyes wide and sad. It took everything in her to not cry.

"I'll be home as soon as I can," she promised. "I've gone away before and I've come back. I always come back, Kieran."

"But this feels...bad," Kieran said, shaking his head. "I'm not going to see you. Mama, Mama, please don't go."

"Listen," Amell said, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I want you to have something. This was something your Mother gave me a long time ago."

Amell pulled the ring off her right hand and took the chain off from around her neck. She slipped the ring on the chain and placed it gently in his hands.

"She gave this to me when she had to go away for a very long time," Amell explained. "Before you were born. And I was so scared I'd never see her again. But I wore this and she always knew where I was and would find me if I ever needed her. So I'm giving this to you, Kieran. If you wear this, I will always come for you."

She put it over his head and he played with it before putting it down.

"Won't Mama be cross that you gave this to me if it's yours?"

Amell laughed, "Maybe a little. But I want you to have it. It's going to be okay, Kieran. It might be awhile, but I will come home. Okay?"

Kieran hugged her, burying his head into her neck. She breathed in the scent of his hair, remembering the day she first held him. Her little boy was growing. Five years old...he might be a man by the time she saw him again. The thought made her want to break into sobs.

"You take good care of Mama," Amell said. "Listen to her and don't get into any trouble. Orlais isn't that scary, you'll have fun. Be safe, baby."

"I love you," he said, his voice muffled through her hair.

"I love you too."

He let go and she kissed him. Kieran walked out to the stables with her and she climbed on her horse. He glanced up at her, holding the ring in his fist. 

Amell looked towards the road and signaled the horse to go. "Hee-yah!" 

Before she crossed the gates, Amell looked back, seeing her son standing in the courtyard. He waved goodbye and she looked away.


	3. Chapter 3

"Kieran, there's something I have to tell you."

Kieran looked up from his books. His mother knelt down in front of him and took the book, setting it down on the couch. She took his hands in hers. 

Kieran felt a shiver go through him. "Is everything alright?" 

Morrigan said softly, "We're going back to Ferelden. Something has...happened. Kieran...you remember when we lived in Amaranthine, when you were little? The Grey Wardens we stayed with?"

Kieran nodded. "I remember Adam. We used to play together with the cat."

"That's right," she said gently. "Those are the people Mama works for with your Father...they were in trouble and a lot of people were very scared. And your Father...he's passed away, Kieran. He died to save a lot of lives. And Mama...they don't know where she is. She might...she might not be coming home, love. We can't wait for her anymore so we need to go where it's safe."

Kieran sobbed and Morrigan held him tightly.

"No," he protested. "Da's alive. I would have known. He would have told me...Mother, he's still alive. Mama too. I know they're okay! Mama promised me!"

Morrigan kissed his forehead and whispered, "I'm so sorry, love. We need to go as soon as we can. We need to leave by night fall."

Kieran grasped onto her, crying still. He felt the Voice stir inside him, sympathizing with his pain. It asked him how to ease the hurt. Kieran thought of his Da, the rather silly man with a kind laugh. 

_Where he is only few can travel. If I can find him, I will save him._

***

Kieran couldn't sleep. Skyhold was too strange. It was cold and damp and there were almost no kids around. Just the Inquisitor's two daughters and the teenager was bored with him and the other his age just teased him. The Voice was quieter, drowned out by the bad dreams. 

He looked for his Mother, but she was busy at work. He understood but he missed her. It had only been her for nearly four years, though he had gotten a few letters from Alistair and Mama...though, he wasn't going to get them anymore, he guessed. 

He wandered through the gardens before sneaking out of the castle and walking around the courtyard. Kieran went to the stables, feeling comforted by the sounds of the horses in their stalls. He jumped, hearing someone.

"You lost, son?"

Kieran went into the barn, seeing a large hairy man working by the fire. 

"It's a little late for a little boy to be wandering around by himself. Where's your Ma or Da? We'll get you back to them."

Kieran shook his head, starting to sniffle. The man walked over and knelt in front of him, holding him at arm's length. 

"There, there," he reassured. "Everything's alright. You're just a little lost. You're the advisor's son, aren't you? We'll just bring you back to the castle. Don't cry, son."

"I just want to be here," Kieran said in a rush through his tears, "because this is where I wait for Mama and this is where she always go first and I know she's coming back and she promised me she'd make me better but now Da's dead and she's gone and I don't want to die. She promised me!"

The man rubbed his back. "Deep breaths. You're okay...was Alistair your father? He was a very brave man. I'm so sorry, son. But your Mother is here and she's just fine. You must have had a bad dream."

"No, my other Mother," Kieran insisted. "Mama Nienor. She's a Warden too, like Da. She left because I was sick and she told me she'd come home."

The man nodded, understanding. "The Inquisitor has already written to her. Hopefully we'll hear from her soon. But you can wait here if it makes you feel better. During the day, maybe, so we don't scare your poor Mother witless."

Kieran stopped crying. "She's alive?"

The man smiled. "She's fine. Come on now. Let's get you home."

Kieran took his hand as they walked to the castle. "Are you a Warden too?"

The man hesitated. "Sort of."

Kieran said, "But you're not sick."

The man shook his head. "No, I'm not."

"Can you help me?" Kieran pleaded.

"The dreams will get better, son," he said. "I promise. And your Mother will come home soon."

"It's been four years," Kieran said. "I miss her."

The man squeezed his hand as they climbed the steps. He led him into the guest quarters where Kieran heard Morrigan's panicked voice. She raced out of their room and saw him, pulling him into her arms.

"Don't scare me like that!" She cried. "I thought...Kieran, you have to stay with me. It's not safe. You know that. Oh love, I thought-"

"He was fine," the man insisted. "He just wanted to look at the horses. I've offered for him to stay with me during the days while I work. I will make sure no harm comes to him."

"He's a Warden too," Kieran chimed in. 

Morrigan raised an eyebrow. "Is he now? You must be Blackwall."

Blackwall nodded. "Aye. He'd be no trouble."

Kieran said excitedly, "He said the Inquisitor is finding Mama. I want to wait at the stables until she comes back. I'll do all my work, I promise."

Morrigan said, "We'll talk about it in the morning. Come on, you need sleep."

***

Kieran woke suddenly, hearing the horns blare at the gates. He picked the straw out of his hair and started running. Blackwall put down his tools and chased after him, grabbing his arm before he made it to the entrance.

"It's them," he insisted. "Let's go!"

Kieran ran to the front of the crowd and saw the two figures on a horse as the gate opened. His father sat in the front, slumped over, obviously injured. And behind him...was his mother. 

"Mama!" He cried out. 

Nienor crossed into the castle, helping Alistair to his feet. "I need a healer!"

Physicians came forward and brought Alistair towards the surgery. Nienor leaned forward in exhaustion and Kieran ran to her. She looked at him in surprise and laughed, hugging him tightly. She covered him with kisses.

"Maker, you're so big," she whispered. "You're okay?"

He nodded. "I knew you'd come back."

Nienor smiled. "I always do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended up using Amell's first name just because I couldn't justify Kieran calling her by her last name. Just, yeah.


	4. Chapter 4

Zola Adaar sat across from him in the gardens, working on her daisy chain.

"So," she said in confusion. "Your Mum is having a baby."

"Yes," Kieran said excitedly, "I'm going to have a sister."

"But...she's married to your other Mum."

"Yeah?"

"So how did...you know..."

"Well...my sister has the same Da as I do, so I guess...I don't know how that works. I should ask them."

Zola laughed, "I wouldn't. Adults don't like that when you ask that sort of thing. But that's cool. My Mum is having another baby too. It's weird, since she's so old, but whatever. Maybe they'll be friends like we are?"

"We're friends?" Kieran asked hopefully.

"Of course, you goose," Zola said. "I mean, you're only ten, but at least that's better than most of the other kids around here. If I have to pick between my sister and the Hawke kid, whose barely stopped wearing diapers, I'm going to pick you."

"He's like six," Kieran protested.

"Whatever. He's practically a baby. I can handle ten."

Kieran grinned. "Well...then I can handle eleven."

Zola rolled her eyes. "You're going to be happy having an older friend once you figure out exactly how your sister was made. Trust me."

***

Kieran waited outside the room with Alistair. His father was walking better and had regained most of the colour in his face. He had never told Kieran exactly how he had escaped the Fade, but between them they seemed to understand. The Old God had rescued him, leading him to safety. His Mama seemed to suggest she tore open the Fade and plucked him out, but Kieran imagined she was joking. He hoped she was joking, at least.

Alistair was just finished telling him a "Wandering Mabari" story when the door opened. They both stood up, seeing Nienor emerge, smiling.

"You want to come meet her?"

Alistair and Kieran both came into the room. Alistair went to Morrigan's side and took the little bundle into his arms. He grinned and the two lovingly bickered. Kieran went up slowly, glancing at his baby sister.

Alistair said, "You can hold her, if you want."

"I'm going to break her," Kieran said.

"I thought the same thing when I held you," Alistair teased. "It's alright. Just be very gentle and support her head, just like this."

Kieran took the baby into his arms, surprised at how heavy she was. She yawned and he instantly loved her. They would be best friends, he knew it. 

Morrigan patted the bed beside her and Kieran sat down. She held them both close to her, kissing the top of Kieran's head. 

"What's her name?" Alistair asked, leaning in to look at her.

"Well, we picked the last time," Amell chuckled. "Seems only fair if you get to pick hers. Especially since Morrigan insists she's never doing this again, though she did say that after Kieran, so you never know."

Alistair said softly, "I was thinking Wynne."

"Oh come on!" the two women complained in unison.

"As a middle name, at least?"

"Fine," Morrigan agreed. "But a proper first name, not named after someone who thought I was...words I will not repeat in front of my children."

Alistair rolled his eyes. "Fine...how about...Kiva?"

Nienor said, "I like that. Kieran and Kiva."

"Kiva Amell has a nice sound to it," Morrigan admitted. "It's...sweet."

"Kiva Wynne Amell," Alistair reminded. 

Kiva opened her eyes and looked up at Kieran. He beamed at her. Alistair climbed onto the bed, pulling Kieran into his lap. Nienor sat on the other side, putting her arm around Morrigan. He looked up at his parents, all three, alive and happy.

"So," Alistair joked, "same time next year?"

Kieran laughed, resting on his father's chest. He found himself drifting off and Alistair carried him back to his room and tucked him in to bed. He tried to insist he wasn't sleepy, but he was too comfy. The potions would make him sleepy, Mama had warned, but it would be alright, because it would make the dreams go away. 

Kieran did not dream of Archdemons or hear the Calling. He simply dreamt of the gardens of Skyhold where Zola finished her daisy crown and placed it on Kieran's head. He smiled in his sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thus the end of my super indulgent fluffy parenthood fic inspired by crappiness in my own life. Ugh. Anyways. Here's my OT3. Aren't they adorable?


End file.
